Hi, my name is Sandy Ko and I am the founder and principal of CCWomen.
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to talk about my own mental health journey.
I’ve always been a type A, high-strung, extrovert. So you will never guess that I have seasonal depression, anxiety, and panic attacks often, and speaking in public, especially on stage (or making this video), makes me incredibly scared and nervous, and nauseous. I’ve never been transparent about these things. But somehow I’ve always moved past it, even if feels like I am dying inside.
But last year, the anxiety and panic attacks were elevated, and I was hit with depression that I just couldn’t shake. I was spiraling quickly and right before CCW Las Vegas – not a great time to have a mental breakdown.
Realizing that you need help and then actually asking for help is hard. It was really difficult for me especially because I like to be self-sufficient and would rather suffer, in most cases, than ask for anyone's help. And admitting I am having mental health issues – a topic that often feels taboo and brings feelings of shame – was really really hard. Also, when you come from a culture in which talking about mental health is taboo, it is an even more difficult topic to bring up, especially to your parents.
With A LOT of encouragement from my family and friends, I knew I had to find a professional to help me. I didn’t want to keep dumping my problems on people and burdening them with my issues so I searched for a professional that was within my insurance. (A task in itself!)
But I am glad I saw a professional. It was a difficult process, and I ugly cried a lot but it was worth it.
Talking about your problems is difficult but for me talking about it to a stranger made it a bit easier just to let it all out. Bonus points to my therapist who was actually really helpful and gave me exercises to get through this bump in the road.
I also have a friend who has seen therapists, and we were able to compare notes. But more importantly, we were able to check in on each other. That was an incredible gift, and I know I can reach out to her if I come across another bump in my road.
I’ve been fortunate that I can express the status of my mental health, tell people I am seeing a therapist and no one has made me feel bad about it or shamed me because of it.
In fact, I’ve been praised for being transparent about my therapy appointments every other Friday at 9 AM so my team knows not to schedule meetings around that time. (I don’t think it is praise-worthy, but what does that say about our society and how we view mental health?)
I know mental health looks different to a lot of people and it can also be a disability that we as a society need to accommodate. You just don’t know what others are going through but I’ve learned through my own mental health journey that being transparent matters (there is no need to feel ashamed about how you feel and what you are going through), language matters, and being more thoughtful about how you talk about your own mental health is important.
I am not ashamed to tell you that I had a panic attack in the parking lot at Whole Foods a month ago over a work email while I was on PTO. I went through my exercises and eventually got through the attack. But it still debilitated me for a good chunk of my day.
It is also important to surround yourself with a community, a tribe, your ride or dies. Because I am extremely thankful for the people around me who have been supportive, flexible, and accommodating to meet my needs.
We need more visibility on mental health and show that it is not a stigma. It also doesn’t go away with a “Mental Health Day” provided by your company.
By sharing my mental health journey today I hope you’re able to find pieces that could help you or help others around you.
Here are some resources for you. I hope that you can find relief and help because there is no shame in asking for help.
From the CDC: If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
Disaster Distress Helpline: CALL or TEXT 1-800-985-5990 (press 2 for Spanish)
LGBTQ+
Abuse/Assault/Violence
Finding Treatment