Effective Leaders Don’t Just Provide Solutions.

Have you ever had to compromise during a high-stakes meeting or conversation?

Maybe you accepted less pay than you are worth, agreed to take on work outside your role and pay grade, or allowed a difficult team member to make your life more, well, difficult. 

We’ve all been on the receiving end of unsuccessfully managed conflict, leaders and team members alike.

Especially for underprivileged employees, excessive compromise is a common response to conflict or high-stakes conversations in the workplace. If women are too insistent on standing up for their ideas, they are often perceived more negatively than men who do the same thing. This bias can lead to more discrepancies in promotion, pay, and treatment at work. 

Funny enough, compromise can be a protective strategy. It is used to protect against being called disruptive, or used to prevent us from having to face conflict. However, compromising often gets us the same results as being labeled as “pushy” or “unprofessional.” With both strategies, women leaders and employees alike might find themselves frustrated, resentful, and burned out. 

So, for women in leadership positions, how might you change the narrative and start managing conflict better? 

The truth behind compromise

A “compromise,” simply put, is a deal where each party gives up something in order to reach an agreement. 

Most employees understand that a bit of give or take is necessary and expected in the workplace. This is why the advice is always to ask for much more than you expect to receive, such as in a salary negotiation– this ensures that your “compromise” is actually what you were aiming for in the first place. 

While compromise might sound like a fair deal, it often leads to a fractured team. While a “compromise” refers to the conflict or conversation itself, it also refers to the strategy with which one approaches the conversation. A team that is always in compromise mode is often a team that is less trusting, less transparent, and more defensive. 

Let’s take a look at why.

Compromise is most often used as a conflict resolution or problem-solving strategy because it is efficient. The leader asks for X, the employee asks for Z, so they settle on Y. An example: an employee is often late to work. The manager is ready to fire the employee. The employee would like to keep their job, which they are very good at. They reach a compromise: a 15-minute grace period built into their day. 

Both employee and manager benefit from this compromise, and coming to a solution was quick and easy. 

However, compromise often does not address the root of the conflict, because compromise cares more about offering quick solutions than solving problems.

Perhaps the employee in question does not have a car or commuter benefits, so has to take a less reliable mode of transportation to work. In this case, compromise does not address a conflict’s underlying problem, which may continue to pose an issue for both parties even after a solution is decided upon.

Compromise can also lead to negative morale

When a compromise takes place, both parties are on the defensive. You have to advocate for yourself first, right? Fighting for what you need can leave both parties unclear on whether or not there is a shared interest or common goal. 

Another common scenario where leaders falter and resort to compromise? Interdepartmental projects. 75% of employees state that interdepartmental work is important. However, many departments in many companies are siloed, which means that they do not communicate often or effectively with other departments. Or, department leaders engage in empire building, where they build their teams to believe that their work takes precedence over another department’s work. 

Imagine that two siloed departments are meeting to collaborate on a major project. Neither team fully understands what the other team does day to day. Neither team knows the roles of everyone at the table and their responsibilities, and they do not speak the same departmental “language.” 

Therefore, each team believes they have been doing most of the work toward this project, and the other team needs to step it up. What started with miscommunication and a lack of clear leadership leads to a compromising situation, with no common goals in sight. Each team has to give up their time and expertise to defend their own work. Sound familiar? 

When you have to give up something, whatever that something is, it can feel like a slight. This means that with compromise can also come resentment on both sides. Resentment is a silent killer of otherwise productive teams, as it can lead to employees being despondent, angry, or burned out. 

For all of these reasons, it might be worth taking a second look at your conflict management strategy as a leader. From interdepartmental clashes to manager-employee conflict, it’s time to focus on what we can gain from conflict, not what we could lose.

Collaboration is the solution

Collaboration, as a conflict management strategy, involves both parties fully addressing one another’s needs. While compromise is a 50/50 (or in some cases, a 70/25), collaboration means both parties are fully satisfied. 

Collaboration is not as efficient as compromise. It takes time to listen with empathy and brainstorm ways to collaborate correctly. But when collaboration is successful, the benefits are well worth the effort. 

Collaboration means everyone wins

We know that not everyone can win all the time. Maybe you get stuck in traffic on your way to work, or you spill coffee on your shirt right before a presentation. Taking things in stride is part of life. 

However, when it comes to high-stakes conversations, the goal should be that everyone wins. Winning, in a collaborative conversation, might not mean getting exactly what you want, how you want it. It does mean, though, that your needs are fully met, and that you were able to express them. 

Let’s take a look at our late employee again. Imagine that the employee was given time to walk their manager through their day. The manager listens with empathy, and understands that their bus route to work is often impeded by construction and makes arriving at a consistent time very difficult. The manager also expresses that the employee’s lateness stalls the all-hands morning meeting, and they might miss important information. 

The manager needs their employee to be on time and present for the all-hands. The employee needs a more reliable way to get to work. 

How might this team reach a collaborative solution? 

Collaboration is a strategy built on trust, but it is also built on innovation. Each party must trust one another to listen and lead with empathy in order for them to feel safe enough to share their needs. Each party must also then think outside the box to offer a new way of solving the problem.

Perhaps the manager advocates for a rideshare benefit among employees, a company-sponsored train pass, or tests out instituting a hybrid morning meeting where employees can tune in from home. Or, the employee can adopt a flexible schedule, come in earlier, and leave earlier too. These are problem-solving solutions, not just meet-in-the-middle solutions. 

As for our departmental conflict, department leaders must clearly define roles and establish trust in order to squash the tension and competition for resources. Perhaps each team can train the other on their daily roles, establish common pain points they encounter, and explore how they could benefit from the other team’s help. Understanding the “other” can help to create a sense of empathy and teamwork, which can lead to problem-solving that satisfies everyone.

It might take a bit of extra time, trial, and error, but collaboration creates trusting, empathetic, and creative teams. Collaborative conflict management goes a long way in boosting morale, increasing employee engagement, and bolstering employee motivation.

In the long run, collaboration is well worth the effort when it comes to keeping teams healthy and productive.

4 steps women leaders can take toward collaboration:

1) Build a culture of trust

Trust is the backbone of a healthy team. How do you build trust? By leading with empathy. Empathetic leaders create teams that are open to discussing their needs. Women leaders are excellent at leading with empathy, but everyone could use a refresher once in a while. Start practicing active listening, or take a leadership training course on how to listen better. Since the beginning of a conflict usually starts with sharing pain points and needs, listening well might just be the key to making sure everyone feels valued and heard. Take time to build relationships with other department heads and create organic kinship between your teams. 

2) Align with a common goal in mind

When two parties are approaching a conflict or high-stakes conversation, it can be easy to get defensive and see the other party as an adversary. However, most of the time, the conversation is happening because both parties have a common interest in mind. While compromising can lead to each party feeling siloed, collaboration means both parties have a shared vision. As a leader, begin the conversation with a genuine acknowledgement of a common goal. Clearly establish roles, responsibilities, and a general chain of command among departments. Align yourself as a facilitator of your team’s success– not the one watching for their failure. When employees know that their leaders want them to succeed, it will create a much more productive and open conversation.

3) Think outside the box

Now that each party feels safe and willing to collaborate, it’s time to innovate. Many times, problems do not have easy solutions. Sometimes, easy solutions are just a Band-Aid, not a true fix. Sit down with your team, or across departments, and brainstorm possible ways for everyone to get what they need. Take every solution into consideration. Everyone winning might look unconventional. Equity might look unconventional. But make it your goal to prioritize a solution that fully satisfies both parties, even if that solution means you took a bit of a risk.

4) Be okay with the unknown

The hard part? Letting go of what you originally had in mind, and relying on your team to make a solution work. For managers who like to mitigate risk and be in control, it can be difficult to collaborate. Know that sometimes, a solution might not work– and you might have to go back to the drawing board to find a better way to address a problem. However, when you do find a solution, your team will be all the stronger for it, and the culture you built in the process will prove invaluable next time a conflict rears its head.

What do you think about collaboration vs. compromise? Which do you find yourself using more when leading teams? Let us know your thoughts. Email us at ccwomen@cmpteam.com.