When you look back at your previous bosses and managers, across your career, what are your most memorable interactions?

I am sure there are a few negative experiences that stand out. Many of us have bad boss stories. So many, in fact, that bad boss jokes have become a standard in the realm of standup comedy. It hurts less to laugh, right?

For me, though, the most memorable interactions have been times when a leader showed extreme empathy and compassion because these interactions taught me something valuable. 

For example, I will never forget the professor who showed me flexibility and compassion while I was in the hospital, or the boss who knew my coffee order by heart and would come through with an iced oat milk latte on the days I needed it most. 

While focusing on negative experiences can teach you what not to do, I have allowed positive experiences with leaders to form my mantra on how I treat others as a leader myself. I have learned that having compassion and empathy as a leader does not mean you do not have high standards. It just means that those who report to you want to meet those standards– not out of fear or respect, but because they feel encouraged and valued. 

But that’s just my perspective. 

What does the research say about empathetic leadership? 

1. Leading with empathy encourages new ideas.

2. Leading with empathy increases employee engagement and boosts retention.

90% of US employees believe that empathetic leadership increases job satisfaction. Another 79% believe that empathetic leadership decreases turnover on teams. When everyone feels valued, heard, and cared about, they are more likely to be loyal to their managers and companies and continue to provide results.

3. Leading with empathy creates teams that communicate more effectively. 

Empathy is an emotional skill, but it is also a communication skill. How you speak with your team members will create certain outcomes. Empathetic people communicate in a positive, encouraging, and open manner, which leads to positive, encouraging, and open responses. 

Leading with empathy is a no-brainer then, right? We should all be practicing better empathy in our work lives. Here are just five ways to become a more empathetic leader.

5 Practical Steps Toward Being a More Empathetic Leader

1. Get to know your employees

You know your employees, right? You know that they eat a cheese stick every day at 1PM and enjoy tasks that involve spreadsheets. But this is not Apple TV’s Severance– knowing who someone is at work is only one part of the picture. What do you know about their personal lives? Do they have kids in school? Are they getting a Master’s degree at night? Do they perform at open mics? Empathy goes beyond the workplace. Knowing your employees means knowing what they have going on in their lives, so you can get a picture of the whole person. Start by listening well, asking questions, and reciprocating to build trust. Being genuinely interested in someone’s life creates real camaraderie, which keeps morale high on a team. It also helps you put yourself in their shoes when problems arise. Plus, you might just be invited to a graduation party or a performance. And how fun is that? 

2. Educate yourself on what you don’t understand

Even if we know all about somebody else’s life, we might not fully understand everything or be able to relate. And that is okay! A big step toward building empathy as a leader is educating yourself on other cultures, experiences, and identities. Advocate for training that addresses cultural competency in the workplace. Read up on important history and current events pertaining to marginalized groups. To avoid tokenization, or making a marginalized person you know the spokesperson for experiences related to their identity, do the work yourself. Watch films, read books, or even scroll TikToks that can teach you about the lived experiences of others. Burnout affects a whopping 40% of women in the workplace, and the statistic is even higher for marginalized employees at the intersections of identity. By putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, you can begin to understand where they are coming from and come to solutions together.

3. Be vulnerable 

Vulnerability is a risk. Brené Brown defines vulnerability as “the courage to face risk, uncertainty, and emotional exposure.” To many of us, that sounds a bit scary, even if Brené is telling us to be vulnerable (and we always listen to Brené). Vulnerability means you are exposing yourself, which can definitely backfire in the wrong hands. However, if you are leading a team, one of the best ways to build trust and foster empathy is to set an example of what vulnerable leadership looks like. You do not have to go into every detail of your breakup or write a monologue about your recent struggles with depression or anxiety to be vulnerable. You can start practicing vulnerability by being a little brave, a little bit at a time. Having an off day? Instead of creating tension in your team meeting because of your behavior, start by explaining that you are having a rough time and might need some support. Stressed about a project? Express your feelings of uncertainty and ask team members to use their skills to assist you. When teams feel comfortable sharing how they feel, they can rely on one another to offer support when it's needed. Psychological safety is hugely important in creating high-performing teams. Modeling and rewarding vulnerability is one way to create that safety. 

4. Regulate your own emotions

Leaders are people too. When tensions get high, anxiety rears its head, and teams are under pressure, it is only natural to have big emotions. However, emotional regulation is key for leaders who want to lead with empathy and create strong teams. Leaders who can regulate, process, and handle their emotions without reacting to their emotions do much better at work. They are more likely to perform, more satisfied with their work lives, and they experience greater wellbeing overall. Staying cool as a clamshell does not mean not having emotions. It just means dealing with them in an appropriate way. One study finds that the most effective strategies for leaders to regulate their emotions are strategies that alter the situation’s gravity. One strategy, called cognitive reappraisal, involves modifying the meaning of a situation to alter its emotional impact. For example, when in a high stakes team meeting, a leader might remind everyone that this project is in its developing stages, and that every mistake is a learning opportunity. When leaders use cognitive reappraisal, their team members report higher positive emotions and fewer negative emotions. So take a breath, count to ten, and alter the gravity of the situation. Be empathetic with yourself, and with the emotional health of your team, even in difficult situations. Your team will be all the stronger for it. 

5. Ask for feedback

When I was teaching, I refused to look at my teaching surveys. It made me incredibly anxious to think about what negative things someone might write, especially when given the chance to be anonymous. However, after a while, I chose to face my fear. I was not surprised to see overwhelmingly positive feedback, because I knew I had done a good job. However, I was surprised that the so-called “negative” feedback was incredibly helpful, and not mean at all. My students’ constructive feedback gave me insight into some of my blind spots, and made my next class much better than the first. While there might be a bad actor here or there, it helps to remind yourself that no one really wants you to fail. Especially when you are on a team, your team members want you to be a great leader. So why not listen to what they have to say about their experience working with you? Taking feedback from direct reports is a known way to boost employee engagement. Even with an open door policy, employees might not feel comfortable critiquing their managers. Asking for their thoughts is a great way to listen well and actually act on the feedback, which is what empathetic leaders do every day.

It might seem simple, but empathetic leadership goes a long way. 

How do you lead with empathy? Let us know at ccwomen@cmpteam.com. Love to read? We are discussing Julia Boorstin’s book When Women Lead in this month’s CCWomen Book Club. Become a member today to join in on the fun!