As women, we recognize the importance and impact of confidence. Whether in a boardroom, a one-on-one meeting, or a speaking session, it’s vital that we exude a sense of security and purpose to persuade others to see our vision.
But how do we get there, especially when deep in self-doubt?
Lucy Todd is a certified Career Coach and a CCWomen Collaborator. Drawing from her experiences as a corporate leader before pivoting to career coaching, Todd shares how women can build confidence at work and empower others through self-compassion, discipline, and authentic thriving.
1. How has your career journey helped build your confidence?
My confidence was low throughout my career and personal life. For roughly ten years, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome in my career. In school, I was constantly anxious about my performance. If I did well, I panicked about having to stay at that level; if I did less than perfect, I panicked about that, too. I put myself in a lose-lose situation.
It’s interesting because I didn’t feel a lot of pressure. There weren’t many outside voices demanding I be perfect. The anxiety came from within me. Once I realized this, it took leaving my career to understand how much confidence I actually lacked—primarily because I didn’t have interest or engagement in my work.
I had learned to fake confidence, but after quitting, I realized I gained real confidence from trying new things, like going back to school for coaching, activating fresh skills, and learning to market my personal brand.
I began to understand how everyone, especially women in leadership, still struggled with imposter syndrome. The idea that none of us fully mastered confidence gave me the freedom to acknowledge that I was probably better at things than I thought I was.
2. What is the difference between arrogance and confidence?
When women act similarly to men, people take it completely differently. I wanted to start with the dictionary definitions of arrogance and confidence. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, self-confidence is the belief that “you can do things well and that other people respect you.” On the other hand, arrogance is the “quality of being unpleasantly proud and behaving as if you’re more important, or know more than other people.”
Self-confidence is your awareness of your strengths. Arrogance is parading your talents and touting yourself as better than others. But as women, it’s tricky for us. There’s a Harvard Business Review article titled “How Confidence is Weaponized Against Women.” It explains how women are frequently advised to be more confident in the workplace and assert themselves more to be taken seriously. However, this way of thinking can play into how we’ll blame ourselves for a lack of self-confidence. It’s a nuanced issue.
There’s not much we can do to avoid the existing stereotypes of women being arrogant when they’re just proud of their work. I would even venture to say that most women don’t have to worry about this possibility. If we feel that we are being arrogant, we’re probably practicing self-confidence without realizing it.
If someone makes work all about them, puts others down, and touts their own excellence, they're just a manager—not a leader. They're not empowering others. The confident leadership we should all aspire toward is this: we share our stories and successes in service of others. We lift them up and guide them toward their path to growth.
3. How can women build confidence at work while empowering others?
It's so challenging for women to build confidence seemingly from scratch. We may already feel down in the dumps and think we don't deserve to be in spaces, are not good enough, or have unrealistic goals.
Both internal and external tracks of thought influence our decisions. There are systemic issues that contribute to the lack of self-confidence for women of color. It's tough to build confidence at work if we don't think we have evidence of our achievements—or if asserting ourselves in the past hasn't led to positive outcomes. It's hard to pull ourselves up and try again.
Everyone has different experiences. So, how can we build career confidence and inspire ourselves to pursue our goals?
- Get clarity: Everything will feel uncertain if you aren't clear on what you want to achieve. There's no way to figure out how you get to a destination if you don't know where it is in the first place. A lack of direction can further contribute to feelings of inadequacy. So, identify exactly what you're going after and how it aligns with your values and beliefs.
- Turn your clarity into action: Practice makes progress. As long as we’re practicing something new, we’re leveling up. And the more we practice, the more evidence we get to build the ultimate why of our goals.
- Commit to self-compassion: It’s easy to focus on what can go wrong. But next time you feel insecure, tell yourself something nice—even if it feels forced. Similar to practicing confidence, practicing self-compassion can feel extremely awkward. But the more you make it a habit, the more genuine it will become. It might be one area where fake it ‘til you make it actually works.
- View setbacks as lessons rather than proof of failure: Any time we pursue a goal, there will likely be a setback. But if you view it as a sky-high wall, you'll stop in your tracks or turn around and give up on your goal. But if you see it as a barrier you can climb over, then you can keep moving.
As I trained to be a coach, I learned that we need to realize how many of our roadblocks are actually just in our heads. We tend to feel certain circumstances are entirely out of our control, which may not necessarily be true.
We need to spend more time understanding how the way we frame situations influences our mindset and ability to see solutions. When you view setbacks as just a test on your way to success, instead of proof you can't get there, you can discover more of your own agency. - Focus on action steps instead of outcomes: This is a nuanced take, as outcome-based goals work for some. However, they can also feel impossible to achieve if you're at the starting line. For instance, if you want a promotion by the end of the year but don't know where to begin, you may feel discouraged and overwhelmed.
Instead, it can help to focus on closer, more attainable goals. What's 100% within your control? If you want to receive that raise, you can dedicate one night to compiling all your quantifiable achievements. It's a better, more realistic place to start.
You can still have the larger goal but celebrate each baby step instead of waiting months to reach a lofty accomplishment.
Explore self-confidence with a like-minded community.
As a networking platform for women and allies, CCWomen is here to help you build your confidence at work and beyond. Through multiple touchpoints—from in-person summits and meetups to webinars—we strive to foster multifaceted opportunities for people to connect, exchange industry insights, and celebrate one another.
Whether you need personalized career guidance or an existing professional resource to supplement your journey, we’re here to elevate you every step of the way.
